Going out for a meal with my husband tonight

I’m going out for a celebration meal with my husband tonight. I said in a previous blog post that I have been really struggling with the idea of buying some pearl jewellery using the money that my mum left me.

For some reason I had a mental block on it and felt guilty about spending her money on something just for me. I don’t know why because I’m sure that’s what she would have wanted. So I bought myself a pearl necklace and a pearl bracelet and I’m going to wear them for a lovely meal out tonight with my husband.

We’re going to just have a lovely evening and I’m going to think of it as a celebration of my mum still being with me in some way. Am hoping the pearl jewellery I am wearing will be a sign of her still being in my heart even though I know that she has gone.

I don’t want to make it a melancholy evenings so we won’t talk about her, but I’m just hoping that the pearl jewellery that I’m wearing will be enough for me to feel happy and reminded of her during it.

We haven’t been out for ages, and to get dressed up and go out for a glamorous night out will be really good, we have done it for probably a year I don’t think. I think it’s partly life and it’s partly the children and also up until recently it’s also been about money and not wanting to squander it on things that we haven’t seen as important.

But what I have started to realise is that life has to be about more than driving forward for the future. You have to enjoy the here and now because ultimately right now is all you got. If I hadn’t bought this pearl jewellery then I would perhaps never owned it and never feel good about doing that and looking good with it on. I might spend the rest of my life thinking about it and it’s ridiculous and I have the money there.

Sometimes you just have to get out there and live for now.

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My beautiful pearl jewellery arrived

I said the other day about how I’m feeling guilty about ordering some pearl jewellery online. Basically I wanted to order a pearl necklace and a pearl bracelet with some of the money that my mum left me when she died.

But I have been having real mixed emotions about it and been feeling very guilty about spending her money on that sort of thing. Despite the fact that my husband was going to buy a car, I was feeling guilty. It is a very strange situation but thankfully I decided to resolve that the other day and ordered some beautiful pearl jewellery.

Well it arrived today and is actually gorgeous. The pearl necklace is great and fits well and the pearl bracelet is a beautiful quality item, they cost a lot of money so I expected them to be, but I did get a very good deal because I bought them from an online jewellery store.

Anyway, me and my husband are going to go out for a meal very soon with me wearing them. I know it sounds a bit shallow but I want to do something special to mark the passing of my mum. I know it was months ago, but I feel I need some closure and I think that going out for a lovely meal with my husband wearing the pearl jewellery that I have bought with her money will really help me to do that.

Then I’m hoping to move on and also hoping to talk about other things in this blog, because I’m very aware that I just talked about my mum and pearl jewellery and money. But the point is right back at the start I did say that this blog was going to be therapeutic for me and more of an online diary than entertaining or informing other people.

So it’s doing its job because it has helped me to move on and hopefully it will continue to do so. I’m sure there are other issues I will have, but it might be nice to blog about some nice things for a change rather than talking about my mother’s death which has obviously I think made me more upset than I realised, and I think blogging is help because it’s made me realise that I hadn’t got over her in the way I thought I had.

I ordered my pearl necklace and bracelet

I’m really pleased with myself because after my day in the park the other day, I went home and decided that I had to get my head around this block I’ve got about buying some pearl jewellery with the money I got my mum.

It’s a ridiculous situation and today I finally did it. I went to a reputable online jewellery store and I bought some pearl jewellery.

I bought a beautiful pearl necklace and a beautiful pearl bracelet. I’m really looking forward to them arriving soon because it’s been an emotional journey for me. I’m kind of seeing this as part of getting over my mum’s death in a way now and I think that when they arrive going to wear a pearl jewellery to go out for a nice meal so I feel it’s a moving on time for me.

I think her death has hit me harder than I realised in a way, although obviously I realise I was very upset but I don’t think I’ve realised how emotionally it has affected me at times. I think it’s because you just try and get on with your life and to trying get the good things back and not dwell on the bad, but unfortunately the human mind is quite complicated and things chip away at you inside in ways you don’t even realise at times.

So I suppose in one way I’m seeing buying this pearl jewellery as a little bit of a moving on and redemption thing for me. I don’t know why feel guilty about buying it but I’m pretty sure that it is tied to issues I haven’t fully resolved.

Fingers crossed anyway, as I will feel really guilty and upset if I don’t want to wear this brand-new pearl necklace and pearl bracelet because I feel upset. Especially when my husband is looking buying a new car with the money and doesn’t seem to have an issue with it, I really would be upset by bought this pearl jewellery and had an issue with it and couldn’t wear it. That would be ridiculous situation I really need to get my head around doing this right.

A lovely lazy day in the park

I had a lovely time in the park today. The weather was unseasonably warm so I decided to go with my picnic blanket and some food and go and lay in the park and sunbathe and read.

I’ve been quite stressed over the past few days because of my mum’s money. I know it sounds ludicrous but it is really getting to me. I really want to buy some nice things with her money so that I can have fond memories of her and buy some things that will last, not watch it being squandered on day-to-day living.

I want to invest in some pearl jewellery. I’m looking at a few items of jewellery that will be beautiful reminder of her.

I’m looking at buying a pearl necklace and a pearl bracelet. I think that they will look wonderful when I go out and I can look at them and remind myself that they bought with my mum’s money which she worked hard for it is passed on to me.

But I keep stopping myself from ordering the pearl jewellery online. I keep basically bottling it.

So it was lovely today to go to the park and just chill out and try to get my head straight. I lay there and sunbathed for a little while and read my book and I also let my mind wander. And I started to realise that there is actually no problem with buying this pearl jewellery with my mum’s money. We will be paid off the mortgage with some of it and looking at buying another car, so why is it that it’s all white to spend the money on those things in my mind, but I can’t buy a pearl necklace for myself?

There’s obviously something more deep emotionally going on, and I think laying in the park today it’s starting to dawn on me a bit what the problem is. I think that it’s about the fact it’s for me. I don’t mind the money being spent on my family, but I think I feel a bit selfish buying something for me. Even though I know it’s fine and that it’s only a pearl bracelet for example, I have to get over that guilt.

Considering buying some pearl jewellery with my mum’s money

My mum died recently and she left me a large amount of money, such a large amount of money that we have managed to pay off our mortgage and still have a significant sum left over.

I’ve been thinking about treating myself and my husband has said go for it, money is not an object and that it is your mum’s money to just do it.

I feel guilty about it. One thing I’ve been looking at is buying some pearl jewellery. I’m thinking about perhaps a pearl necklace, pearl bracelet and maybe some pearl earrings.

I’ve never had pearl jewellery before, I’ve never even had a real diamond ring or any other expensive beautiful piece of jewellery and I feel that perhaps is the time to treat myself. I know my mum would have liked me to do that, I just can’t get over this guilt.

I’ve been looking online every day at shops selling pearl¬†jewellery from My Pearls and I keep getting close to ordering some but I keep stopping myself. There was a beautiful pearl necklace yesterday which I had in my shopping cart by just didn’t order it, I felt guilty and I was somehow wasting my mum’s money. I know it’s ridiculous and that’s the point of this blog post, I have to get my head straight and realise that it’s not my mum’s money now it’s mine and I can do what I want with it, and I have got my husband’s blessing and I should just buy what I want.

I suppose what I’m trying to do here is use this as a bit of therapy. I’m trying to convince myself that it’s okay to spend some of my mum’s money on beautiful jewellery . I can buy a pearl necklace, or a pearl bracelet, and the proud of done it, and when I look at those pieces of jewellery to think of my mum. ¬†Or maybe I should get something else like a new hat for special occasions?

Surely that’s a good thing? I can’t understand why there is such a guilt barrier in place. Perhaps I am not quite over her death, and maybe it’s that I’m clinging onto her through this money. But I think I have to change the way I look at and think that if I buy some beautiful pearl jewellery that that will represent her still being in my life in some small way.

Welcome to my little corner of the Internet

I decided to start a blog for several reasons. But the main one is that I wanted to basically have a little online diary. When I was young I used to have a diary and I used to put my thoughts and feelings in it. I used to then put it away feeling I had dealt with my problems and explored them, it was therapeutic and it worked quite well.

So that’s what I am now doing this with a blog. This is going to be anonymous because it’s going to be a personal journey blog really, and I will be talking about bits of me I don’t really want anybody to know about, so it has to stay anonymous and so I will not be talking about many details which would allow anyone to recognise me, even though I don’t think anyone will really read this blog anyway.

I suppose that’s the other main point really. I’m not writing this blog to entertain or inform anybody else, I’m writing it to help myself, so I don’t really care if anybody does read it, and hitting publish is more about me than anyone else.

One thing I will be talking about quite a bit is that my mum died recently. I’m very cut up about that but also feeling a bit guilty. I am feeling guilty because she left me quite a bit of money, which means I can indulge if I want, and there are some things am looking at buying, but I feel guilty about it, so I suppose the first thing I will be talking about in this blog is trying to convince myself that it’s okay to spend my mum’s money, it’s what she would have wanted.

Anyway, that’s enough about me for now, those are my main reasons for blogging and I suppose I was writing this more to confirm them to myself than anyone else, because obviously it is going to take a bit of time and effort and I’m going to have to confront some things that I perhaps don’t really want to.